The cult of autism is a false religion
If we actually do love neurodivergent children, we will want them to learn to live within societal expectations and become independent adults to the greatest extent possible.
In January 2015, Muslim terrorists attacked the offices of Charlie Hebdo and viciously murdered 12 people, because the newspaper had published things they thought were blasphemous. Some advocates for autistic children are every bit as fanatical as murderous Muslim terrorists and fantasize about violence against people who share "blasphemous" opinions about autism. This is the kind of reaction you will see to opinions that children on the autism spectrum (often called neurodivergent) should be expected to behave properly. They cast this as "standing up for their children," but an opinion on the Internet has never harmed a child. No, this is about religious fanaticism against those speaking "blasphemy."
Neurodivergent children often need extra help and accommodations, especially in school as they are learning about the world and the expectations of society. Neurodivergent children have difficulty understanding the unspoken expectations or unwritten societal rules others take for granted. This is why many schools have Individualized Education Programs for children who need more help, and this is a good thing not only for the children who need the help, but also for teachers and for neurodivergent children's classmates who are less distracted by disruptions.
But while extra help is both needed and appropriate, it is not "ableism" to expect a neurodivergent child to behave properly. We live in a society and there are going to be rules, standards, and etiquette that neurodivergent children will need to learn in order to function in our society and to hopefully become independent adults. Basic things like hand-washing to protect others and neurodivergent children themselves from disease are important skills and habits to learn.
And no, outside of basic hygiene and prohibitions on violence, I am not going to make an exhaustive list of what it means to behave properly. That is a fool's errand and I am not going to allow the overall point to get lost in a flood of arguments over every possible aspect of a neurodivergent person's behavior. Behavioral expectations are also going to be different from child to child, because each neurodivergent child has different abilities and limitations. There is a reason "autism" has been classified as "autism spectrum disorder," because every child is different.
Some advocates for neurodivergent children become enraged at what they believe to be expectations for "masking," or not engaging in certain behaviors that come out of autism. But not every behavior is appropriate for every situation, and we also have to consider the needs of other children. Neurodivergent children, after all, are not the only children in the world. Again, this is going to differ from person to person, as some neurodivergent people are going to have more difficulty than others and will have different triggers - such as bright lights or loud noises. But if we actually do love neurodivergent children, we will want them to learn to live within societal expectations and become independent adults to the greatest extent possible while also caring for their well-being and mental health.
But some "parents" cannot bear the thought of any outside standards on an autistic child, and become deranged and threaten violence at opinions that conflict with their theological commitments. While threatening violence and even murder for "blasphemous" opinions (just like Muslim terrorists do) they project their fanaticism onto others and pretend those who disagree about expectations are guilty of physically or verbally abusing autistic children. This is psychologically necessary for these religious fanatics to pretend that threats of violence and murder are actually "self defense."
If you, as the alleged "parent" of a neurodivergent child, cannot handle an opinion on the Internet you find objectionable and immediately resort to threatening violence and murder in response to these opinions, you are a bad parent. Perhaps Child Protective Services needs to investigate whether your neurodivergent child is safe in your home given your threats and outbursts of anger.
No one is pretending that there are any easy answers, other than the religious fanatics who treat autism/neurodivergence as a holy sacrament that must not be altered in any way. These cultists do not care about neurodivergent children, and they certainly do not care about how unrestrained bad behavior impacts others. They want to impose their religious views on everyone in society, including neurodivergent children who could benefit from extra help. This is a shamefully selfish position that should be categorically rejected.