Discernment is not actually a bad thing
The "white knight" mentality that rejects discernment is still too common among Christians. We need to be as wise as serpents.
Christian fathers, you should recognize that it is far better for your daughter to marry a man who has seven children from six baby mamas who has turned to Christ and understands the depths of his sin than a man who is sexually pure but has a haughty look and a proud heart.
Most wise Christian fathers would look askance at that advice. The sexually promiscuous man may well have repented, and the Lord Jesus Christ teaches us in Luke 15:7 that there is more joy in Heaven over this man's repentance than 99 children who grew up in the church and lived for the Lord their entire lives. But a wise father would understand that sexual promiscuity had been a besetting sin for this man and could be again. At best, his attention will be divided between his new family and his other children.
But the wise father who would be skeptical of the advice above will not push back against a Christian publication that gives the same advice regarding marrying former prostitutes and marrying virgins. As is often the case, two things can be true at once: First, an OnlyFans "model" (prostitute) who has repented is seen by God the Father as having the perfect righteousness of His Son. Second, it is perfectly reasonable for a man not to want to marry a former prostitute. Many Christians are pushing back against this advice, but the "white knight" mentality from Protestia and others that rejects discernment is still too common among Christians.
But if you understand that sometimes discernment is necessary and wise, you are condemned for "judging" or "shaming" or being "self righteous," even by many Christians.
A former pastor got a lot of pushback on social media several years ago after he wrote a warning to churches against people who badmouth their former church. What about abusive churches? What about churches that are unfaithful to Biblical doctrine? But think of it this way: Imagine a secular employer is looking to fill a position and is choosing between the final two applicants. Their experience, education and skill sets are very similar. One is badmouthing his former employers while the other one is complimentary. Who do you think will be hired? Why is it that secular employers are wiser than many people in church leadership?
There are gutters on both sides of the bowling lane and you don't want your ball to go into either. We can be moralistic, judgmental and self-righteous. We can avoid that error by categorically rejecting any godly wisdom and discernment. But life is complicated and messy, and defies quick and easy solutions. Understanding what approach to take and when requires hard work and faith. You will be wrong from time to time. That does not eliminate the obligation of Christians to embrace both discernment and grace.
